Gosh, it's already 2013 and what the hell have I been doing to this blog? Nothing....lol.
Honestly I have been pondering for the longest time on whether I really want to start blogging and if I do, what kinda blog should it be? What is the purpose of a blog to me? To rant out my frustration? To tell the whole world about my life? To share of all the good things that I have?
Nay, those are not what appeals to me.
See many a times blog post of wonderful things happening may or may not portray the true side of the situation. It can be bombasted to become the most fantastic day of your life but in actuality it wasn't that great after all. Yeah sure, some of it are true, but I bet 70% of the time it's just for the sake of blogging.
So why am I taking about it? Just because.....it's my blog.....lol
Ok so I have thought about it so long, like should I write about my life? Do I want everyone to talk about my life? Then do I want to make it famous? (okla, a bit self praise here)....and really, even if I write who the hell is going to read???? Myself???? Which most probably be the case.....zzzz
Yes I am pessimistic, confused nut who doesn't really know what she wants in life.
Ok anyway I realized that in my life, I have never slowed down to be thankful for all the good things that I have. I rant almost everyday all of my life but rarely do I go 'oh, I am so grateful that this is happening to me'.
I figured, if this is my blog, and only I would most probably be my greatest fan and reader, then I should document stuff that is good for me, that would edify me, that would make me feel better whenever I read back on my blog.
So yes, I want to make this a gratitude blog. To be grateful for everything that I have. To slow down and think what I should be thankful for. And starting tomorrow, it will be a new journey for this blog of mine.
I want to discipline myself. I want to be thankful for what I have. I want to complain less, and learn to live life to my fullest.
Throwing away all angst, sorrow, frustration, and displeasure.....
To a whole new dimension on gratefulness, happiness, and thankfulness.....
For all that God has given me.....
-cheers to a new start-
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Monday, July 30, 2012
Neutral, bending towards happy
Ok I think my blog posts are kinda boring........haha!
But I seriously feel like blogging today. I really feel much happier inside and enlightened within. Sense of "I don't care what people think anymore" is slowly gaining its roots within me which I feel is kinda good, cos then I don't fall into pleasing people all the time.
Really feeling the enthusiasm to blog more frequently now. But heck I can only do it after office hours which I feel is kinda tight cos I only probably have about an hour before le fiance calls and ruins the whole mood of blogging. I have to talk and entertain him mar...haha!
I feel a need of space to breath sometimes......A place I feel belong.......
And sometimes I feel the blog is where I can pour my heart out.........without fear of hurting another.....
But I seriously feel like blogging today. I really feel much happier inside and enlightened within. Sense of "I don't care what people think anymore" is slowly gaining its roots within me which I feel is kinda good, cos then I don't fall into pleasing people all the time.
Really feeling the enthusiasm to blog more frequently now. But heck I can only do it after office hours which I feel is kinda tight cos I only probably have about an hour before le fiance calls and ruins the whole mood of blogging. I have to talk and entertain him mar...haha!
I feel a need of space to breath sometimes......A place I feel belong.......
And sometimes I feel the blog is where I can pour my heart out.........without fear of hurting another.....
Thursday, July 26, 2012
The Blogging Feeling I have....
I was reading through one of the blog I use to follow, and one of her post made me ponder a lot. She said she use to love to blog about her life, documenting her thoughts, the dramas she faced, her love, her believes,.....just everything about who she was and what she is. Ultimately at that point of time she wanted to well, I guess express herself and now she has found no motivation to blog anymore. And whenever she opens blogger, nothing seems to motivate her to write.
Honestly, I somehow felt that way at one point of time.
You feel lost as to the purpose of why you are blogging, or in the first place, why are you here? You start asking questions like "who's gonna read my shit"...... or ......"why should I tell people about my life?"..... and also you began to think "Gosh the whole world is going to read about my life, and start talking about it!!!"....and what I really hate was people coming up to me and talking about what I write and laughing about it too.
Ok, obviously the pessimistic side of me was stronger than I think it is........
But still, I loved reading blogs and people's life journals intrigue me to a point it still lingers it's pulling power to make me write again. But I was in a phase in life, where nothing in life excites me (except my boyfriend excites me, lol sounds so wrong) and I felt that my life was literally dull, mundane, and lifeless which to me, was not blog worthy. I didn't think anyone would like to read my blog. Furthermore when I was bloging last time, things were kind of exaggerated to look fun but in reality, it's really just, maybe, mehhh......
But obviously life takes a change, and you find youself in a whole new dimension and environment, and somehow life seems to be interesting again. You begin to ponder a lot, recap what you have done, re-evaluate and just, you know, want to express it. And make a change. And that's when you know, you are blog worthy.
To tell the truth, my life has seriously took a 180 degree turn, and in fact it's so drastic and sudden that never in your life would you imagine to be facing it. It's a mixes of happiness, and sadness, and this whole topsy turvy feeling in reality has made me change to be different, in which I hope would be a good change.
What's happening to me is legit for a whole post of its own. And perhaps I might jot it down not just merely for viewing pleasures, but for me to remember all the things that have happened in my life. So that when the time comes for me to reflect, I can tell my life's history through this blog.
And yes, the last post I was feeling dark and gloomy. Well, dark times, unfortunate events......
But now it's a mixed feeling.....and I am writing with neutral, mixed, assorted feelings inside in which explains the change of the background of the blog again....
It's white,....neutral......like a white canvas to paint on anything.
-feelings-
Honestly, I somehow felt that way at one point of time.
You feel lost as to the purpose of why you are blogging, or in the first place, why are you here? You start asking questions like "who's gonna read my shit"...... or ......"why should I tell people about my life?"..... and also you began to think "Gosh the whole world is going to read about my life, and start talking about it!!!"....and what I really hate was people coming up to me and talking about what I write and laughing about it too.
Ok, obviously the pessimistic side of me was stronger than I think it is........
But still, I loved reading blogs and people's life journals intrigue me to a point it still lingers it's pulling power to make me write again. But I was in a phase in life, where nothing in life excites me (except my boyfriend excites me, lol sounds so wrong) and I felt that my life was literally dull, mundane, and lifeless which to me, was not blog worthy. I didn't think anyone would like to read my blog. Furthermore when I was bloging last time, things were kind of exaggerated to look fun but in reality, it's really just, maybe, mehhh......
But obviously life takes a change, and you find youself in a whole new dimension and environment, and somehow life seems to be interesting again. You begin to ponder a lot, recap what you have done, re-evaluate and just, you know, want to express it. And make a change. And that's when you know, you are blog worthy.
To tell the truth, my life has seriously took a 180 degree turn, and in fact it's so drastic and sudden that never in your life would you imagine to be facing it. It's a mixes of happiness, and sadness, and this whole topsy turvy feeling in reality has made me change to be different, in which I hope would be a good change.
What's happening to me is legit for a whole post of its own. And perhaps I might jot it down not just merely for viewing pleasures, but for me to remember all the things that have happened in my life. So that when the time comes for me to reflect, I can tell my life's history through this blog.
(a journey on a lonely lane)
And yes, the last post I was feeling dark and gloomy. Well, dark times, unfortunate events......
But now it's a mixed feeling.....and I am writing with neutral, mixed, assorted feelings inside in which explains the change of the background of the blog again....
It's white,....neutral......like a white canvas to paint on anything.
-feelings-
Sunday, July 1, 2012
The New Me.....
Just revamped my blog.....really wanted it to look dark and gloomy to really give the vibes of what I am feeling right now.
Things change....
Shit happens.....
But never in my life I would have imagined that my life would take such a drastic change. It's like a nightmare, that came unexpected in your sleep......
It taunts you.....
It can also kill you.....
You look around, and you see yourself falling, deeper and deeper, and just when you were about to hit the ground really hard.....
You're wide awake.......
And though you wished it was really just a nightmare........
It really feels like you are supposed to live your nightmare........
A dream, which will never be awaken...........
-lifeless-
Things change....
Shit happens.....
But never in my life I would have imagined that my life would take such a drastic change. It's like a nightmare, that came unexpected in your sleep......
It taunts you.....
It can also kill you.....
You look around, and you see yourself falling, deeper and deeper, and just when you were about to hit the ground really hard.....
You're wide awake.......
And though you wished it was really just a nightmare........
It really feels like you are supposed to live your nightmare........
A dream, which will never be awaken...........
-lifeless-
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Friends or no friend?
Sigh......why some people are just so selfish??
I don't know what is the main reason behind by not being cooperative but still, it isn't too much to ask seeing we only ask a few times right??
Today, I have been counselling non-stop. One after another came in, I entertained them and went on two campus tour today. Almost everytime I plonk myself onto the chair someone walks in and ram straight to my table and say, "I would like to enquire about a course".......every. single. time.
So okie, its my job, totally understand, furthermore being in front desk is like what the heck, what can I do right?
So after like 4pm+ I am exhausted already. I don't feel like counselling another person anymore thus requested for someone else to do it. Poor Nini has to listen to 2 person's excuses and me, upon hearing it, just ticks me off.
One said, "I'm busy now. Doing Orientation stuff. I don't want to counsel" (WTH, its next mon la orientation! Counsel awhile also cannot meh???)
Another one said, "So?"......just one word, SO.....SO????? SO HELP LA SO WAT?!
HAIHhhhhhhhh.......sometimes I really feel like asking them to sit at front desk and see how it feels like to be in our shoes. So because we are sitting in front desk we have to do everything?! When one went to school fair in sungai long which I feel there is not much enquiry; and another went the whole day to imigration even though he has nothing to do with it.
Fantastic.......great job........I...am....greatly...pleased.....
******************
On another note, got a bit bu shi huan towards TBF this morning.
Yeah, probably I am over re-acting but then well, maybe period coming adi la =P
So TBF reached office early today, and we were on the phone when I was still on the way to work and then the line suddenly got cut off. So thinking he would call me back I waited. After some time I tot I should call him and when he picked up the phone, he said he was talking to his colleague. I thought eh, reach office also never say anything.
So never mind la, let it go, then he said have to go adi, or just qucikly say bye and then put down the phone. So I was thinking, why the hurry? And everyday I reach office first thing I do is to pick up his phone and sit in office to answer his call for 30 mins. Everyday. And today he reach office only so fast must put down the phone? You know I have not reach office yet ma.
So alot of stupid stuff started to creep into my mind. Is it because he not comfortable to talk since colleagues there, or dunno what boss thinking? If that is the case then this is what I think everyday when I pick up his call in the morning.
So I decided to tell him that henceforth no calling in the morning. I mean my previous manager mentioned to me that it was too often and I do get stares from my bosses when I am on the phone.
So there. I did it. Because I am not happy. Thinking if I was being irrational, plain sensative, stupid,.....well watever. It's done already. Just was not happy everytime I have to sit one corner hiding everyday when I reach office to talk to him for 30 mins but when he reach office adi he says bye and that's it.
Ok TBF might be pissed reading this but I have no intentions to argue, just stating my point of view. It's me blog you see? =P
Still love you dear, just.....bu shi huan lor!!
-not happy-
I don't know what is the main reason behind by not being cooperative but still, it isn't too much to ask seeing we only ask a few times right??
Today, I have been counselling non-stop. One after another came in, I entertained them and went on two campus tour today. Almost everytime I plonk myself onto the chair someone walks in and ram straight to my table and say, "I would like to enquire about a course".......every. single. time.
So okie, its my job, totally understand, furthermore being in front desk is like what the heck, what can I do right?
So after like 4pm+ I am exhausted already. I don't feel like counselling another person anymore thus requested for someone else to do it. Poor Nini has to listen to 2 person's excuses and me, upon hearing it, just ticks me off.
One said, "I'm busy now. Doing Orientation stuff. I don't want to counsel" (WTH, its next mon la orientation! Counsel awhile also cannot meh???)
Another one said, "So?"......just one word, SO.....SO????? SO HELP LA SO WAT?!
HAIHhhhhhhhh.......sometimes I really feel like asking them to sit at front desk and see how it feels like to be in our shoes. So because we are sitting in front desk we have to do everything?! When one went to school fair in sungai long which I feel there is not much enquiry; and another went the whole day to imigration even though he has nothing to do with it.
Fantastic.......great job........I...am....greatly...pleased.....
******************
On another note, got a bit bu shi huan towards TBF this morning.
Yeah, probably I am over re-acting but then well, maybe period coming adi la =P
So TBF reached office early today, and we were on the phone when I was still on the way to work and then the line suddenly got cut off. So thinking he would call me back I waited. After some time I tot I should call him and when he picked up the phone, he said he was talking to his colleague. I thought eh, reach office also never say anything.
So never mind la, let it go, then he said have to go adi, or just qucikly say bye and then put down the phone. So I was thinking, why the hurry? And everyday I reach office first thing I do is to pick up his phone and sit in office to answer his call for 30 mins. Everyday. And today he reach office only so fast must put down the phone? You know I have not reach office yet ma.
So alot of stupid stuff started to creep into my mind. Is it because he not comfortable to talk since colleagues there, or dunno what boss thinking? If that is the case then this is what I think everyday when I pick up his call in the morning.
So I decided to tell him that henceforth no calling in the morning. I mean my previous manager mentioned to me that it was too often and I do get stares from my bosses when I am on the phone.
So there. I did it. Because I am not happy. Thinking if I was being irrational, plain sensative, stupid,.....well watever. It's done already. Just was not happy everytime I have to sit one corner hiding everyday when I reach office to talk to him for 30 mins but when he reach office adi he says bye and that's it.
Ok TBF might be pissed reading this but I have no intentions to argue, just stating my point of view. It's me blog you see? =P
Still love you dear, just.....bu shi huan lor!!
-not happy-
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Nothing much
Aih, another day has just passed.....seems so mundane, rigid, boring......
I need to stop talking about that already.
Today I would say is a pretty productive day at work, being that I actually had a few casses to follow up with (actually only 2), counselled a parent, pick up endless phone calls because the receptionist wasn't around, pack for school fair tomorrow........
Actually, it's almost pretty the same everyday =.=
Well, had a yum cha session with my friend yesterday. Apparently her pay of RM2.5k is not even enough for her, and I am thinking shit, mine's even lower? Well current pay is safely kinda comfortable FOR NOW, but then I don't think I can survive long with everything escalating in prices!!
I want more pay =(
But then I was just telling sherine, the accountant about adjustment salary in year end? She said whatever I am getting is good already, because last time her increment is only RM10. And I was like WHAT?! That's just labour abuse!! Crazy management!
So now the questions is.....be happy with what I have?
Shuddup and live with life?
I need to learn lotsa patience ler.....haih......
-bummer-
I need to stop talking about that already.
Today I would say is a pretty productive day at work, being that I actually had a few casses to follow up with (actually only 2), counselled a parent, pick up endless phone calls because the receptionist wasn't around, pack for school fair tomorrow........
Actually, it's almost pretty the same everyday =.=
Well, had a yum cha session with my friend yesterday. Apparently her pay of RM2.5k is not even enough for her, and I am thinking shit, mine's even lower? Well current pay is safely kinda comfortable FOR NOW, but then I don't think I can survive long with everything escalating in prices!!
I want more pay =(
But then I was just telling sherine, the accountant about adjustment salary in year end? She said whatever I am getting is good already, because last time her increment is only RM10. And I was like WHAT?! That's just labour abuse!! Crazy management!
So now the questions is.....be happy with what I have?
Shuddup and live with life?
I need to learn lotsa patience ler.....haih......
-bummer-
Saturday, June 18, 2011
It's been two weeks since I blogged??
Bummer, and my resolution for that moment of time was to blog more often. Kakaka......that's what all blogger's say!
Oh btw, almost forgot the blog password. I am getting phobia of forgetting the password for this blog......xD!!!
TBF...(no dear, its not Taylor's Business Degree!!! =_=) stop thinking about taylor's ler! Cis....=P
Aish, digress......anyway!
Today TBF made an effort to take me out for supper......but turns out he is grumpy and uncomfortable, and reason being is because he is dirty, and tired. Meh, the only time he is fresh and energetic is when he just takes his shower. But by then, I am half dead with sleepiness coz he takes shower and shit quite long one leh.......no offence dear =P
Well, what's a girlfriend to do? Tolerate loh......xD I think I like to make big fuss over small things, and annoy people. Hmm......I think I need more humbleness!!! Or just shuddup? kakaka.......
Okla, sleepy and ranting nonsense already. maybe will blog some other day when mind is fresher.
-ciaoz-
Oh btw, almost forgot the blog password. I am getting phobia of forgetting the password for this blog......xD!!!
TBF...(no dear, its not Taylor's Business Degree!!! =_=) stop thinking about taylor's ler! Cis....=P
Aish, digress......anyway!
Today TBF made an effort to take me out for supper......but turns out he is grumpy and uncomfortable, and reason being is because he is dirty, and tired. Meh, the only time he is fresh and energetic is when he just takes his shower. But by then, I am half dead with sleepiness coz he takes shower and shit quite long one leh.......no offence dear =P
Well, what's a girlfriend to do? Tolerate loh......xD I think I like to make big fuss over small things, and annoy people. Hmm......I think I need more humbleness!!! Or just shuddup? kakaka.......
Okla, sleepy and ranting nonsense already. maybe will blog some other day when mind is fresher.
-ciaoz-
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